Is it possible to educate with love… and with limits?

  First of all, let me be clear: I’m not a parent - not even close.
But I am a child - and that alone already gives me a few thoughts on the matter.
Growing up, observing different family dynamics, and reflecting on what I’d like to repeat (or avoid) has made me think about the kind of parent I want to be, even from a young age.
  One thing I’ve been noticing more and more is how often people confuse positive parenting with a lack of boundaries. Sure, bad manners have always existed and always will - and it’s not always fair to point the finger at the parents. But nowadays, when I go to the supermarket or a restaurant, I find myself wondering whether this generation is being raised… or just entertained.
  I see tiny kids holding tablets bigger than they are, who throw tantrums or even get aggressive if the device is taken away - many of them can’t even eat without it. I also see parents who say “yes” to everything - maybe out of fear of creating trauma - but end up raising children who can’t handle frustration. And the problem shows up when, later on, life gives them their first “no” and they have no idea how to deal with it. That’s without even going into the kids who swear non-stop because they think it makes them cooler - and worse, they often do it in front of family, who just laugh it off.
  Based on those observations - and some of my own fears - I’ve started thinking about how I’d like to act when I’m a parent. It’s a topic I care about because I don’t know if I’ll be a good dad… but I know I want to try my best. And for me, that starts with having clear intentions:
- I want three children. My ideal would be to have a boy and a girl, and adopt a third child - ideally a girl, if the first two are already one of each. If the first two end up being the same gender, then I’d like to adopt one of the opposite. Ever since someone opened my eyes to the beauty of adoption, I’ve fallen in love with the idea. I think it’s one of the most beautiful ways to build a family. I want all three to grow up with the same love, attention, and opportunities - and to understand early on that
love doesn’t always arrive in the same way.
- Phones? Later. I want to give them a phone as late as reasonably possible - and make it clear from the start that it’s a loan, not something that “belongs” to them. That way, if I need to take it away as a consequence for something, there won’t be any “but it’s mine!” arguments. Until then, I want them to play the way I did - with action figures, LEGO, sports, races. Things that build their body and their mind, without creating early dependence on technology.
– Experiences like alcohol? At home. I don’t want to create an environment of strict prohibition that leads to secret curiosity - which almost always ends badly.
I’d rather they feel safe enough to try things with me, under no pressure, and in a controlled space.
– Give more, but with intention. If everything goes well, I hope to give my children more than I had. But I don’t want them growing up thinking the world owes them anything. That’s why I’m thinking of creating a “reward for effort” system: they earn points for small daily responsibilities (like making the bed, taking out the trash, or dusting) and for dedication at school. They can exchange these points for toys or games - birthday gifts would be separate, given by the parents. That way, they learn the value of things and understand that nothing falls from the sky. Not even from Dad’s wallet, whatever it is he does.
– Having kids at the same time as my friends. This might sound strange, but I’d love for my kids to be born around the same time as my close friends’ kids.
I think it would be beautiful to watch them grow up together, support each other like siblings, and play with each other instead of being glued to screens. It would really help keep that childhood spirit alive - something that seems to be fading more and more.
  Of course, these are just loose thoughts - still very theoretical. Real life is very different from what we plan… and parenting, even more so. But I believe it’s important to start thinking about these things now - to reflect on the examples we’ve had (both good and bad) and aim to do better.
  If I ever come up with more things I’ve imagined about my future parenting, I’ll bring you a part 2. Until then, I leave you with this questions:

Have you thought about the kind of parent you want to be? What are your expectations for yourself as a mother or father?