Confidence or insecurity: how do you distinguish?
A few days ago, I mentioned Married
at First Sight, and this topic came to mind while I was watching one of the
episodes. During one of the commitment dinners, a participant walked in with
such an expansive and confident energy that it almost felt completely out of
place. He seemed energetic, self-assured, even slightly playful - and I
thought: “What kind of attitude is this?” Only later did I realize he
was actually deeply uncomfortable with what people might say about him. After
all, it was his second time on the show, and he felt judged because of it. That
so-called “super confidence” turned out to be just a defence. A mask.
And that moment stuck with me. How often do we get it wrong based on first impressions? How often do we assume someone is self-confident, cold, arrogant, fragile, or even shallow… based purely on the image they project in the first few minutes?
We tend to believe we’re good at reading people. That we can immediately tell if someone is trustworthy, funny, unstable, or full of th
emselves. But in reality, what we’re often evaluating isn’t who the person truly is - it’s how they handle discomfort, the need for acceptance, or the fear of rejection.
Some people hide behind humour. Who hasn’t? We turn insecurity into jokes, discomfort into irony, and dodge vulnerability with well-timed smiles. Some, out of fear of not being enough, go over the top - with gestures, with laughter, with filters. And some are always helping others because, deep down, they’re afraid of being a burden if they ever ask for help.
But what about when the mask doesn’t feel like a mask? When someone walks into a group and seems confident - but in a soft, natural way? We believe it. Not out of malice. But because we’re wired to. Our brains judge the book by its cover because it’s faster - and technically more efficient. But just like on social media, we’re often only seeing one part: the part the person chose to show.
In truth, real confidence rarely announces itself. It doesn’t need to stand out, because it’s not looking for approval. Authentic confidence tends to be quiet, grounded in silence, and shows itself through consistent actions - not grand speeches. Paradoxically, it’s often when someone seems too confident that we should pause and ask: Are they really? Or is it just a way of compensating for an insecurity that’s still unresolved? The truth is, if someone looks confident… maybe they’re not. Because those who truly are, don’t need to look like it.
This isn’t a call for distrust. It’s simply an invitation to gentle doubt. To giving people the benefit of the doubt. Because often, behind the loud voice is someone who’s afraid of not being heard. And behind the person who seems distant is someone who once got hurt for being vulnerable.
Who we really are is rarely visible at first glance. And maybe that’s one of the best reasons to learn how to truly see and listen - as mentioned in recent pieces.
And you… do you often believe in the masks people choose to wear?
And that moment stuck with me. How often do we get it wrong based on first impressions? How often do we assume someone is self-confident, cold, arrogant, fragile, or even shallow… based purely on the image they project in the first few minutes?
We tend to believe we’re good at reading people. That we can immediately tell if someone is trustworthy, funny, unstable, or full of th
emselves. But in reality, what we’re often evaluating isn’t who the person truly is - it’s how they handle discomfort, the need for acceptance, or the fear of rejection.
Some people hide behind humour. Who hasn’t? We turn insecurity into jokes, discomfort into irony, and dodge vulnerability with well-timed smiles. Some, out of fear of not being enough, go over the top - with gestures, with laughter, with filters. And some are always helping others because, deep down, they’re afraid of being a burden if they ever ask for help.
But what about when the mask doesn’t feel like a mask? When someone walks into a group and seems confident - but in a soft, natural way? We believe it. Not out of malice. But because we’re wired to. Our brains judge the book by its cover because it’s faster - and technically more efficient. But just like on social media, we’re often only seeing one part: the part the person chose to show.
In truth, real confidence rarely announces itself. It doesn’t need to stand out, because it’s not looking for approval. Authentic confidence tends to be quiet, grounded in silence, and shows itself through consistent actions - not grand speeches. Paradoxically, it’s often when someone seems too confident that we should pause and ask: Are they really? Or is it just a way of compensating for an insecurity that’s still unresolved? The truth is, if someone looks confident… maybe they’re not. Because those who truly are, don’t need to look like it.
This isn’t a call for distrust. It’s simply an invitation to gentle doubt. To giving people the benefit of the doubt. Because often, behind the loud voice is someone who’s afraid of not being heard. And behind the person who seems distant is someone who once got hurt for being vulnerable.
Who we really are is rarely visible at first glance. And maybe that’s one of the best reasons to learn how to truly see and listen - as mentioned in recent pieces.
And you… do you often believe in the masks people choose to wear?
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