“Whoever wants it, finds a way”?

  There are phrases we hear so often they become almost universal truths. This is one of them. It pops up in films, books, songs, and even in advice supposedly given with the best intentions. But the truth is, behind its apparent simplicity hides a dangerous idea - that everything depends solely on our will. As if wanting something badly enough were all it took. As if it all came down to the strength of our feelings or the persistence of our efforts.
  Life, however, doesn’t work like that. I’ve written before about the illusion of meritocracy - this belief that those who work hard always succeed. And in relationships, it plays out the same way: wanting isn’t al
ways enough. Trying isn’t always sufficient. There are variables bigger than our will - like distance, time, maturity, context, and circumstance.
  In my own experience, I understood this quite clearly. The first time I dated my ex, we really wanted it to work. The feelings were there, and so was the intention. But we were separated by kilometres. The physical absence became a constant weight, and over time, the moments when we needed each other the most - whether for a hug on a bad day or to share a joy in person - turned into painful absences. It wasn’t a lack of love. It was a lack of conditions for that love to breathe. And that’s when I realised: wanting alone isn’t enough.
  Phrases like “If you want it badly enough, it’ll work” may seem harmless, but in reality, they put a huge burden on those already struggling. As if the failure of a relationship - or any goal - were a sign of lack of interest or effort. As if it were the fault of someone who didn’t “want it enough.” But that’s not how it works. Sometimes, no matter how much you want something, the world just doesn’t allow it. There are external forces, obstacles, and realities we can’t control. And accepting that isn’t weakness - it’s maturity.
  This kind of simplistic thinking also undermines the pain of those who gave it everything they had. As if the only reason it didn’t work out was due to lack of effort - when in fact, there might have been too much. And that’s unfair.
  Saying that everything works out if you want it enough ignores the fact that love, like any other meaningful project, needs more than willpower. It needs presence, time, and space. It needs the path to be possible - not just desired.
  Happy endings don’t always come from “wanting it really badly.” Sometimes, real courage is found in accepting that it didn’t work out - despite all the love. And that’s okay. That’s still valid. That’s still beautiful. That still matters.
  Maybe the phrase we should be repeating more often is: “Sometimes, wanting isn’t enough. And that’s okay.”
  And you… do you agree that “If you really want it, you’ll find a way”?