How much does the past shape us?

  There are traumas we carry without even knowing. We grow up thinking certain memories were left behind, tucked away in a drawer that only gets opened if absolutely necessary. That time took care of everything, or that, simply, it doesn’t hurt anymore. But is that really true?
  I thought about this for the first time during one of the few sessions I had with a school psychologist in secondary. As expected, she started by trying to get to know a bit of my past. We talked about my childhood, my family,
and at some point, we arrived at the subject of my biological mother. I answered naturally, perhaps even with some distance: “It’s not something that affects me”.
It used to affect me, of course. But I learned to leave that behind and focus on the life I have now, with the people who were truly present.
  Later in that same conversation, the psychologist asked me whether I thought that situation - the violence, the abandonment, the absence, or even just the way I grew up with that reality - hadn’t had any kind of impact on my life today.
And that question echoed in my mind.
Does it affect me? How? And if so, why have I never really thought about it?
  My parents often say that, as a child, I was full of energy, talked non-stop, and only went quiet when asked. Today, I’m the complete opposite. Reserved, quiet, introspective - and with a blog. What happened in between? Was it just growing up? Or was it the result of experiences that, even if I don’t remember them clearly, silently shaped me?
  It’s strange to think that we can carry trauma without realizing it. That certain fears, insecurities, or even ways of being in the world aren’t really “ours,” but invisible inheritances from what we lived - or from what we missed out on.
Some people say the past only weighs as much as we allow it to, but I’m beginning to believe the past finds subtle ways to make itself known, even when we think we’ve left it behind.
  And then comes the question: how can we tell what’s truly a part of us from what was imposed by life? Could it be that some aspects of our personality are actually just defense mechanisms? The silence we adopted, the shyness we cultivated, the distrust that shields us - are these our traits or scars we’ve learned to hide well?
  I keep thinking about this. I don’t have the answers, but I think it’s worth asking these questions. Because sometimes, understanding who we are means revisiting who we were - and that, as hard as it may be, might be the first step toward living with more awareness of what lives within us.

And you… do you think your past influences your present without you even realising it?