People pleaser: what is the price of wanting to please everyone?

  Some people live to make others happy. They say yes when they want to say no, do favours even when they’re exhausted, hand out compliments excessively and avoid confrontation at all costs. We often call them people pleasers - people who constantly seek others’ approval, even if that means putting themselves second. On the surface, they seem lovely: always available, always helpful. But at what cost?
  Being a people pleaser is, in truth, a burde
n disguised as a virtue. It’s saying “yes” out of fear of rejection. It’s smiling when you actually want to scream. It’s offering support to others while carrying an emotional backpack that’s already bursting at the seams. There’s a deep need to be accepted, loved, and validated - often because, somewhere back in the past, they learned that love was conditional on obedience, on being nice, on “good behaviour.”
  Type 2 of the Enneagram, known as The Helper, reflects this pattern well. People of this type feel that their worth is measured by how useful, important and needed they are to others. They help, nurture, protect - but often with a hidden feeling of “if I don’t do this, they won’t like me.” And that’s the real issue: they don’t act out of desire, but out of fear. And when fear is what drives us, we end up losing ourselves.
  And what about the people around them? It might sound strange, but it’s not always pleasant. Personally, I’m not a people pleaser, and I’ve dealt with several who are. And while this kind of behaviour might win some people over, it only pushes me away. Because I value the truth - even when it stings, as long as it’s honest. I’d rather hear a “I’m not in the mood to go out” than a reluctant “yeah, sure, let’s go.” Forced compliments don’t convince me either; over-the-top flattery just to please doesn’t make me feel good - quite the opposite, it feels manipulative or obligatory.
  Those who live to please everyone forget one thing: it’s impossible. By saying yes to everything, they end up saying no to themselves. And some of us would rather hear a harsh truth than a sweet lie.
  Being kind is not the same as being submissive. Being empathetic is not the same as erasing yourself. And pleasing others is only worth it if it doesn’t mean disappointing your own essence.
  In the end, no one wins with a fake version of who we are. Not us, not the people around us.
  And you… are you - or have you ever met - a people pleaser?