Do you listen to understand or to respond?

  Listening seems simple. But the truth is, most of the time, we’re just silent - waiting for our turn to speak.
  This article is a kind of continuation of the previous one, where I reflected on the power of the right questions. There, I talked about how certain questions can open inner doors we didn’t even know were locked. But what’s the point of a good question if we’re not truly willing to hear the answer? Now I want to explore the other side of that coin: listening without filters, without rushing, and without planning an immediate response.
  It’s curious how often we think we’re listening to someone, when in reality, we’re just mentally preparing what we’re going to say next - or interpreting what the person is saying through our own lens. It’s like when two people are arguing, but in practice, they’re saying almost the same thing - just with different words, without really hearing one another. Listening becomes a battle of versions, not a space for understanding.
  Listening with empathy takes more than just silence: it takes presence. It means setting the ego aside for a moment, letting go of the impulse to fix, to convince, or to be right. It’s not easy. Especially because we’re so used to being listened to in a hurry. And to listening with filters.
  Who hasn’t had a conversation with someone who, instead of really listening, used every pause to insert their own story? Yo
u’re sharing something important and the other person replies with a “that happened to me too” - and suddenly the conversation stops being about you. Sometimes it’s not even intentional - it’s automatic. But still, it shows how we’re more trained to speak than to listen.
  Then there’s the discomfort with silence. Many people feel they need to fill every pause with words, as if silence meant something had gone wrong. But silence is part of listening. It’s where the other person breathes, thinks, and gathers themselves. It’s in that space that they often feel safe. When used well, silence isn’t absence - it’s presence.
  For a long time, I was the one who wanted to jump in right away with comfort, with solutions - saying things like “it’ll be fine”, “this will pass”, “have you looked at the bright side?”. The intention was good, but the outcome? Not always. With time, I realised there are moments when the best thing to ask is: “Do you want comfort or solutions?” Because people don’t always want advice - sometimes they just want to be heard. To be human in front of another human, without judgment or haste.
  To truly listen is an act of presence. It’s not about what’s said at the end, but about how you are during. Listening with the heart might sound cliché, but it’s exactly that: paying attention with intention and empathy. Being there - without the pressure of having to respond right away, without the fear of silence, and without the rush to be right.
  In the end, good listening is one of the greatest forms of love we can offer. Listening as if you’re holding someone’s pain in your hands - not squeezing, not letting go. Just holding it, gently.
  And maybe that’s just it: powerful questions only matter when they’re met with genuine listening. Because it’s not just about what you ask - it’s about who’s truly willing to hear the answer through to the end.
  And you… do you know how to listen without already preparing a reply?