Do movies impact our perception of love?

  From a young age, we're exposed to epic love stories - couples who meet by chance, fall in love quickly, face dramatic obstacles, and end up together with a kiss in the rain. Movies and series subtly teach us what we’re supposed to expect from love. But what if what we think is love… is just what cinema taught us to expect?

The Impact of Fiction on Our Perception of Love

  The truth is, our brains absorb the narratives we see over and over again. We grow up watching relationships that almost always follow the same script: intense passion, moments of suffering, and a happy ending. That constant repetition often shapes - without us even realizing it - what we believe love “should” look like. We create romantic scripts - patterns we repeat in real life because we’ve learned that’s how love is supposed to happen.

Movie Love vs. Real Love

  Love in films is grand. It thrives on intense moments, dramatic twists, and breathtaking reconciliations. Real love, on the other hand, is built in the everyday - in morning coffees, pointless conversations, and shared decisions. But when we’re used to the emotional pace of fiction, real life can seem… boring. That’s when we start doubting what we feel. Is something “missing”? Or is it just the absence of that cinematic drama we’ve learned to romanticize?

The Dark Side of Idealization

  This distorted perception can lead to frustration. When we idealize love as something always intense and perfect, we become less tolerant of the inevitable imperfections in real relationships. And worse: some films romanticize toxic behaviours - like possessive jealousy, subtle manipulation, or forced changes “for love” - leading viewers to normalize attitudes that, in real life, should be red flags.
  What’s more, the idea of “forever,” so often present in happy endings, creates the illusion of eternal stability. We've talked about this concept in another article, but it’s worth repeating: it’s not “forever” that validates love - it’s the commitment and presence while it lasts.
  It’s also important to mention that this idealization fuelled by movies isn’t limited to the relationship as a whole - it also extends to the idea of the soulmate, the perfect person who will “complete” us. Some people create an endless checkli
st of traits their “ideal partner” must have: sensitive but strong; romantic but laid-back; ambitious but always available; fun but mature; emotionally open but completely stable. Of course, there are core values that should absolutely be non-negotiable - like respect, empathy, and communication - but the problem arises when we search for someone with traits that are almost inhuman, a combination of virtues that probably don’t even coexist in one person. This quest for an unrealistic ideal can lead us to reject good relationships over normal, human flaws. Sometimes, our soulmate isn’t the one who ticks every box on the list, but the one who walks beside us with honesty, imperfections, and a willingness to build something real.
  Maybe this search for the “perfect partner” also comes from the fact that we’re used to seeing characters written with very specific purposes - and I say this with some authority, because I know what it’s like to write a book. When creating a character, we often give them certain traits or skills not because they’re realistic or balanced, but because they’ll be useful at a certain point in the narrative. A character might be incredibly intuitive, not because such people are common, but because that trait will help unlock a mystery at the end. They might be romantically flawless - not because that reflects real love, but because the story needs a redemption arc or a grand gesture. The problem arises when we start projecting these fictional constructs onto real life - as if it were reasonable to expect someone to always have the right answer, the right timing, or the perfect reaction. When we forget that, outside the script, perfection doesn’t exist - and that loving a real person is, inevitably, an act of acceptance, not idealization.

What’s Good About These Stories?

  Of course, not everything is negative. Fictional romances can also inspire us. They help us see the value of affection, vulnerability, and dedication. There are films that portray the realistic and profound side of love - like Blue Valentine, Marriage Story, or Before Midnight - and those are particularly important because they show that love is hard. It’s also routine, disagreement, and conscious choice.

Finding the Balance

  Watching romance films can be a good thing, as long as we do it with a critical mindset. We can’t allow fiction to be our only reference point for what a healthy relationship looks like. Watching love stories can warm the heart, but living one takes far more than pretty scenes. It takes patience, listening, effort, and, above all, realism.
  As a complement, it’s worth remembering that social media also extends this “movie effect.” Perfect couples in perfectly edited photos reinforce the idea that, if our relationship isn’t Instagram-worthy, then something must be wrong. But true love isn’t a performance - it’s something private, intimate, and often invisible to others.
  At the end of the day, maybe what delays us most in finding true love is believing in a script that was written to end, not to last.